A little sad...

I can't help but be a little sad today.  I am so THANKFUL for everything I have, but I am still missing one thing.  It was AMAZING getting to hold 2 adorable babies yesterday.  It is difficult wanting that, but not having it.  We have tried to have a baby for 6 years, 8 months, and 14 days.  I know, it's sad when you can count it down to the day.  I just remember it because we started trying our wedding night.  I don't understand why we can't have that, yet.  It hurts to hold an innocent baby when you have tried for so long.  Why can't we have one to call our own?  That isn't all of it, though.  One of the babies is a month younger than ours was supposed to be.  Throw that in there too, and it just stinks.  Looking at that baby and knowing we should have one about that size, was difficult.  I know most people reading this have no clue or understand the depths of the sadness this causes.  Unless you have tried for years, you have gone through every fertility procedure known to man, and sadly experienced a miscarriage; it's difficult to understand.  I wouldn't wish this upon anyone.  No one should have to know what this feels like.  I just have to keep looking forward.  I am so thankful we will get another try in January.  Please send us your prayers.  We need them.  I don't know how much more I can handle.  I said that before we tried IVF the first time and I guess we survived that experience.  I just have difficult moments.  We are very fortunate to have 2 adorable kids that we get to spoil every day!


I don't write this to be depressing or to display my feelings to the world.  I talk about it because I know how it feels.  If just one person reads this that is in the same boat or will have to experience this in the future, maybe they won't feel so alone and maybe this will help them.  I've learned its better to say what you feel rather than keep it bottled up.  If only we could win the lottery.  We would start a foundation to help others with fertility expenses.  Oh wait, you have to play the lottery in order to win it.  Minor detail.  ;-)

Have a wonderful night!

~Sam